Things I Liked on the Internet This Week
When I was a kid, I had to go to the hospital.
Since kids often don’t have much in the way of precise vocabulary, they gave me this little card with like, 80s emoji all over it. A super happy face, a kinda happy face, a grim face, a pained face, and a face representing agony.
Like this, except in a Toronto hospital in 1984:
😁 🙂 😐 🙁 😧
And they had me point to the level of pain I was in. (I wasn’t in pain, incidentally. I just had a navy blue crayon stuck up my nose.)
This is like that, but instead of pain, you point to your level of human decency. Click on it to see the mysterious fourth step.
I could watch this for hours.
I may still.
Frankly, I may have. I don’t remember. I’ve been in isolation since the 11th of March.
This is eerie. And awesome. And also eerie.
It makes me want to watch Regency movies.
Also, it’s amazing these people ever got around to procreating. Your ancestors? Courted like this.
In case you were ever like, “Why is New Zealand so harsh about immigration?”
This is why. It’s because they are 100 times cooler than the rest of us and they know it.
Jenna’s youngest lost his first tooth last night and I sent this to her and she cried. So there.
Dame Judi Dench, people. Dame Judi Dench.
Wherein Judi Dench artfully combines her experience in Cats with her experience playing Lady Macbeth, all coming together in an Escherian hybrid fit for a global pandemic.
Whatever. Just watch it.
Ok, this is so cool, I am willing to revisit my stance on graphic novels.
(In case you were wondering, my stance on graphic novels has historically been less than favorable.)
The kid makes it.
As an introvert, this article was fascinating for me.
It’s focused on the social implications of shelter-in-place rules. For me, it was like reading an anthropology paper. So this is what those creatures do. (“Those creatures” is an INFJs way of saying “extroverts”.)
Even (especially?) if you have not and will never drink a quarantini, and you didn’t go to happy hours when they weren’t on Zoom, this is thought-provoking.
So you might have heard that gardening is becoming a thing.
An absorbing conversation with Anastasia Day, who’s completing her dissertation on Victory Gardens from the World Wars. The comparison between the newly hip gardening trend and the bloody hard work of the 40s is intriguing.
(Also, to my friends who have suggested I start a Victory Garden? I live in an AirBNB. In Canada. Just no. I will buy pots and seeds, and I will grow not nearly enough chives and way too much mint, just like every other year.)
This is an interesting personal piece about what we’re going to put back in our lives after everything was taken out.
From the article: “From one citizen to another, I beg of you: take a deep breath, ignore the deafening noise, and think deeply about what you want to put back into your life. This is our chance to define a new version of normal, a rare and truly sacred (yes, sacred) opportunity to get rid of the bullshit and to only bring back what works for us.”
Worth a look. (The paragraphs are really long, though, so forewarned is forearmed. Don’t be too daunted – it’s worth it!)
Oh, and one more thing.
In getting ready to write the most requested post so far – known as “what the hell do you do all day, Naomi?” I wanted to give you a sneak peek. This is a conversation that took place over text message with my friend, Omkari Williams.
Because this? This is what I really do all day.
Certain names have been changed to protect the innocent.
Omkari: Just want you to know that buttered popcorn jelly beans are my favorite too.
Naomi: Thank you for letting me know. When Sarah inevitably leaves you for one of the Obamas, we should consider marrying. We obviously have compatibility on the issues that matter.
Omkari: You are always thinking ahead!
Naomi: Long term strategy, baby. I’m a fucking visionary.
Omkari: You really are. I do see a potential flaw in your reasoning. What if there was a shortage of our favorite flavor? Would we be able to share well?
Naomi: You see, if the governments of the world thought like you, we wouldn’t be in this mess.
Omkari: I’m not the best at sharing, truth be told.
Naomi: #shocker
Omkari: No need for snark, missy.
Naomi: No need, no. But desire? Mais oui.
Omkari: I see your true colors.
Naomi: You can have all my jelly beans because I’m a Canadian and we don’t mind.
Omkari: Oh, thank you. I can share, I’m sure I can.
Naomi: Wait. What’s your stance on cats sleeping on beds? That’s a key marital issue.
Omkari: Cats definitely sleep on beds. What kind of a monster do you think I am?
Naomi: Excellent. We’ll be fine.
Omkari: Whew, one less thing to worry about in these end times.
Naomi: You have the jelly beans, I’ll cuddle the cats. Sarah can’t have the cats in the divorce. She got an Obama which is worth, like, four cats.
Omkari: She can keep her cat. He’s sweet but has the worst cat voice I’ve ever heard. A squeaking door hinge is pleasant by comparison.
Naomi: Hmmm. How many are left? Two?
Omkari: Yes, Audrey and Cooper.
Naomi: OK. It’s not ideal, but we’ll make it work. They make more cats all the time.
Naomi: Also, I can’t tell you how much I would like this conversation to go on my blog.
Omkari: Cooper is a snuggle bug. Audrey is more, shall we say, independent.
Naomi: Can’t imagine where she gets it.
Omkari: More snark. Okay. Feel free to use this on your blog. Just change names to protect the innocent.
Naomi: I could make it all serious, like, “In conversation with Omkari Williams.”
Omkari: You’re so wacky.
Naomi: That I cannot argue. Also, did you know it’s called Corona Pirates now
Omkari: Oh, that’s so sweet. Those pesky pirates.
Naomi: I know, right? OK, I will go forth and edit for the names of the innocent. You and the Obamas will remain. Do you need me to creatively rename your cats or are they impervious to their online reputations?
Omkari: I won’t read it to Audrey. She gets pissy about protecting her image. Sam and Cooper don’t care.
Naomi: Fair. I’m sure Sam will squeak in approval. Or indignance. No way to know, really.
Naomi: Kiss your future ex-wife for me.
Omkari: With the sound he makes, there really is no way of knowing. I shall kiss her for you. Here’s to buttered popcorn jelly beans. Now I feel like I should order some.
Naomi: You probably should.
Have a wonderful weekend, darlings.
xx
Naomi
